Business (from the Munich Tales)

BUSINESS
By Michael Kroetch

The knifeman did not think it unusual that he had a knife collection. He knew many who also collected knives, maybe not as passionately as he did, but certainly there were others who would understand his zeal. The array of shining blades covered every wall of his home from ceiling to floor. Even the bathroom had become included in the ever growing display. While soaking in the tub he would often look around at all the weapons and smile. Being naked before them in the water gave him a special thrill he could not explain or completely understand and did not really want to. They came to him from every continent and time in history. All were precious to him but some were more valuabe than the entire building in which he lived. These were the ones he had to keep secret and which he did not tell anyone about. He did not dare. But more and more he had begun to keep his collection and collecting as much a secret as possible. If anyone asked anything even remotely related to it, he would deftly change the subject and tell them about a new carpet he was thinking of buying, or something, anything but the truth of what was really happening inside his home and where all the money from his stock broker business was going. But lately it wasn´t only the secrecy that made him nervous. Being away from his knives was also becoming more and more difficult for him. Anymore he felt like he lacked the strength to be his real self without them. In their presence he felt complete, whole, alive. But when he was separated from them—even by as little distance as going to the corner market—he felt small, useless, like a rat upside down drowning in a sewer. Horrible it was to feel himself that alone. Which is why he had begun to have some of the collection with him at all times. It had started out harmlessly enough, one small gold dagger originally used in Mayan sacrifices that fit nicely into the place where a cell phone was supposed to be located inside his briefcase. He would open the briefcase throughout the day to look at the Mayan knife. It gave him a sense of security and belonging. But soon, this one blade was not enough. He needed more and needed them closer to him than so far away as the briefcase. That is why he now has special clothes which carry them, cuddle them actually, right up against his skin. It´s a delicious feeling for him to wear these new business suits with the knives lined up gleaming and sharp along the inside. There is nothing else like it. He sits politely at his board meetings with all the other stock brokers around and knows who is in control.