The Bodyguard ("Monster" story #83)

MONSTER
by Michael Kroetch

The bodyguard’s mother is at work. Reading. It’s some dusty law textbook she’s been told to go through for a case. She’s supposed to find something in it for one of her superiors, but its words don’t make sense. It says the destiny of the law is to absorb, little by little, all elements that are alien to it. She doesn’t like this idea and thinks it’s ridiculous. It’s like turning The Law into some horrible science-fiction monster you’d see late at night on TV when you can’t sleep because you ate too many sardines. She sees the law differently. For her, it’s more of a distant Southern gentleman. Someone you can call on if you’re bored, or lonely, or in some kind of trouble. Certainly not some monster with a spaceship or spiked tail. It’s more like someone you’d play cards with. Maybe bridge. A smart partner you’d want to have on the other side of the table. Like Jesus. Even though she isn’t sure Jesus would keep a close enough eye on the game to count cards, she knows The Law would. Jesus would probably be too busy chatting and nibbling on chips and salsa. She’s pretty sure this is why He ended up on His cross in the first place so long ago when The Law came looking for Him. Still, she thinks it would probably be better to have Jesus as a partner in a game of bridge than The Law. The Law would be too much of a crinkled tight-butt. The Law would keep complaining that your turn was taking too long and claim you were looking at its cards. Stupid Law. So what if you were looking at its cards? It’s only a game!

This is when the bodyguard’s mother looks up and glances around at the other offices. It’s still early. No one knows yet about how the police were at her house last night and confiscated her engagement ring. She knows she should tell her superiors. It could become a thing. It’s something she should nip in the bud, be the aggressor about. She should tell them she wants to file a wrongful search and seizure suit against the police. But that would certainly get her on TV. Not only that, it would make even more of a fuss and further undo the perfection of her wedding. And that ceremony cannot be messed with. Not under any conditions. Which is why this incident is so terrible! She feels herself breathing too fast. Getting red. Like her skin is on fire. Like she might faint…

So she closes her eyes to calm herself. When she does, she sees Jesus smiling on the other side of the card table with a chip in his hand and a joke on his lips and she knows there’s nothing to worry about.