The Bodyguard ("Blood" -- story #28)

BLOOD
by Michael Kroetch

The bodyguard’s mother is in bed. There’s no sound. But she thinks there should be. A drip or something. A faucet. That would help. She doesn’t like it this quiet, so she reaches over and twists the radio on to one of her talkshow stations. They’re talking about detergents. Detergents. For ten minutes this is what they discuss. What is wrong with them? She can’t believe people sometimes. Detergents—of all things! And at this hour of the night? She almost wants to call up and tell them how stupid they are. But she can’t. No way. She doesn’t do that kind of thing. And if she did, it would trouble her for days—her losing her cool with the whole world watching on the radio, and over something as silly as soap…

Cleaning techniques for blood stains is what the next caller is calling about. She isn’t sure if it’s a man or a woman, but the voice is urgent and coming all the way from Florida. Using ice water is suggested by the next caller. Or salt. The bodyguard’s mother can’t believe this. Salt? On blood? Have they lost their stupid minds? She flicks on the lamp and picks up the phone. But then she catches herself and puts it back down. Somewhere out there some poor fool is trying to clean blood with salt. She wishes people weren’t so dumb. She wishes they could all be more like Jesus. If Jesus called a talkshow program, she knows he’d talk about something sensible. Not bloodstains. Not salt. And certainly not in the middle of the night. Oh hell, yes. Jesus? She figures if Jesus wanted to He could write a book about stains. He has to know a lot about them. She knows it because whenever she sees Him in pictures His clothes are always whiter than anybody else’s—which happens to be one reason she respects Him so much.

It’s also why she’s certain if He were to call a talkshow, it wouldn’t be to talk about detergents for ten minutes. She knows it because she happens to be pretty good with laundry herself—and, although she knows such talent is a sign of virtue, she keeps the knowledge private. Like Jesus would.